5 Simple Ways to Feel More Connected in a Conversation

Slow down and take a breath between sentences. Listening to someone to understand them vs listening for the right time to contribute to the conversation can make both the speaker and listener feel connected and heard.

The common tips for active listening include:

• Watch your body language
• Be mindful of your facial expression
• Show interest in what the speaker is saying
• Give your undivided attention.

Not all of us have the gift of gab or feel brave enough to start a conversation first. Here are ways we can take that first step.

Start with what feels natural to you

• Say “Hi”, make eye contact. Pause and wait for a response.
• Introduce yourself: “Hi, I’m {your name}”, and ask for the other person’s name.
• Ask a question: “Hi”, and ask a short question; “How are you today”?
• Get curious: “What kind of coffee are you drinking”? … and boom, the door is open.

No one wants to be the first. No matter what age you are, it could be that you feel anxious and nervous to start the interaction. A way to move through your anxiety and nervousness is to pretend you already know the person next to you and you are old friends you just haven’t seen in a long time. You may not be as nervous to start the conversation.

Now that we have started with hi and have moved through the conversation for a few breaths, it’s time to put your connection skills to use.

Here are 5 ways to feel connected as you move through your conversation.

1.Embrace the Pause

Silence is ok; take a box breath (breathe in for 5 counts, hold for five counts, and breathe out for 5 counts) to give your brain more oxygen. This can help your brain process what you’ve just heard the other person has just said.

2. Ask for a Moment to Think

Explain to your partner that you need a minute to think; that unconsciously gives the other person time to take an additional breath and wait for your response.

3. Use Your Body to Show You’re Listening

Take a step forward or reposition your body toward the speaker. It’s ok to get close to someone without being overbearing or intruding in their personal space. It can be that feeling connected to someone is sitting close to them to show them that yes, they are important, you are invested in the interaction that is going on.

4. Rephrase and Reflect

Rephrase what the speaker said in your own words. Our brain may not have stopped running through our to-do list that we may have misheard what the other person said. When we rephrase what we think we heard, it gives the speaker in the conversation an opportunity to correct or confirm what they said.

5. Look Into Their Eyes

The last and my favorite is to actually look into the eyes of the other person. See if you can get a look at their eye color. This can be a little forward for some people, so instead of eye-to-eye contact, another way is to stop what you’re doing and devote your undivided attention to them at that time. No one wants to be in the middle of the sentence and notice you looking down at your notifications, your watch, or catch you using your peripheral vision for distractions.

Use these 5 tips to help you feel more connected in your next conversation. It will let you and the other person feel heard, safe, important, and most of all connected.

– Amy Ritter, FAC Programs